Peace as the Promise

Once I lose this worn out method, I may gain the tangibility of His mercy.

I’ve always been prone to having a higher heart rate than what medically constitutes as normal. In 2020, I had to go through a weekly clearance process for athletic practices that required a pulse test. To be cleared for practice, your pulse had to be anywhere under 100 bpm, which is not asking for a lot. Each time without fail, I would be isolated from the rest of my team and be put in a chair in the corner of an ice-cold media center with a pulse oximeter clipped onto my finger. I would stay there under the athletic director’s supervision as we would wait at least 20 minutes for my heart rate to come down, that is if it did end up coming down. After the first few times it raised a concern for a greater underlying issue and eventually led me to doctor’s offices and EKG stickers taped all over my body. This symptom was actually just the first giveaway that led me to find out that I have anxiety.

Since this happened, I’ve met Jesus. He has given me a Spirit of peace where there used to be a heaping of anxiety. Now that I know Him as both my Lord and my Friend, the anxiety that was once the entirety of my personality has dwindled away under the weight of His glory. I must also add, His peace is perfect. This world has never known anything like it. There were 5 long years I spent believing that I was just meant to live this way, months in dark places and a wrestle with medication, just to discover that His grace really is what will be sufficient for me.

My anxiety isn’t completely gone, but its dominion is. I’ve tasted and seen something so much greater and far sweeter, so fear can never be my god again. Though the medical concerns have dialed back, I think sometimes I still choose to raise my own heart speed. My weak excuse is that life around me is moving fast, but when I slow down for even a second, I can see that my heart is still moving faster. The flesh wins on days like today when I choose caffeine. The smallest amount is just enough to throw me in a wind tunnel of weariness. Now instead of abiding, I’m going through the motions of pacing rooms, stress cleaning, consuming whatever is in front of me, and refreshing everything that I can possibly refresh.

There’s a phenomenon called interpersonal synchronization where people in close proximity unconsciously coordinate their behaviors, either voluntary actions like clapping, speaking, or walking, but also involuntary movements like breathing or the rhythm of a heartbeat. This synchronization reflects the natural tendency of individuals to unconsciously align their actions when interacting with others. It’s a really cool thing that our Creator wrote into our “user manual”.

This symptom of the heart can also be known as “hurry sickness”. When you lay it down to simply be with Him, He will consequently slow your heart to His pace. In communion as close what He offers, your manner, your countenance, can’t help but be molded by Who you’re abiding in. Your heart has no choice but to slow down to His pace, because He will not speed up to yours. You will begin to know the core of delight when you sit with Him even when the silence is uncomfortable. Especially then.

You physically have to force yourself to slow down to His pace. I don’t think I realized how calm Jesus is until finding out He regularly walked at a 2-4 mph pace. To put it into perspective, that’s about 5x less than what brings about the rage you feel while driving through a school zone. That’s assuming you drive the speed limit, but even at that I can’t help but move faster. If your life is at a constant speed that is faster than that 3 mph pace, who are you following?

After a life of anxiety, Jesus has taught me that His peace is possible. A few months back I was reading Practicing the Way by John Mark Comer and watched as God’s mercies unfolded as each line hit my eyes. “The mind can be retrained”. These 5 words lit up my eyes with a surge of hope. With a shake in my voice I stopped reading and audibly asked Him, “Really?” It was a miracle of an awakening on the lesson of neuroplasticity through written words on a page.

He first showed me that experiencing the peace of God is possible. He’s then specifically shown me that it’s possible, even for me. That He wants me there. That this peace is just found in His presence, and all I have to do is simply come. It’s like a hidden treasure in a field, except it’s just so gleamingly bright that it’s impossible for it to really be hidden. He is the greatest treasure there has ever been, and His goodness can’t help but overflow as the fruit of my abiding. It will take me all of eternity to surmount to His glory.

“I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33

The Word of God is the Source of peace that surpasses all understanding. Jesus as the Word. The closer I’m getting with Jesus, the clearer it is to hear what He’s saying. When my mind is rushing with contemplative thoughts, I think He’s quieter because He’s physically showing me I can’t do both things. There is no sustainable way to walk day by day in the pattern of constant overthinking and also be filled with His presence. Lose the one and gain Him, everything. Once I lose this worn out method, I may gain the tangibility of His mercy.